Wednesday, April 9, 2014
So this is what has been keeping me busy. I'm part of a play.
It's a family drama that focuses on the life of the Ibarra family. A family with a dominating father who has too much control over his children, a wife who blindly follows her husband, and children who yearn to be free from their father's tyrant rule.
Presented by the San Lorenzo Ruiz Parish Gospel Choir in partnership with the Parish Youth Ministry.
Dates: April 14 and 16, 2014
Venue: San Lorenzo Ruiz Parish Formation Center, Tierra Verde 1, Tandang Sora, QC
My boss and I have a simple but also somewhat-complex relationship. I drive him crazy, he drives me crazy, but it works for the both of us. I bitch about him asking me to write stuff, he complains about how I never show up for work on time. Simple stuff. But every now and then, there are moments when we sit and talk, like good old friends, and I seek for his advice.
"Are you nervous?" he asked.
"Nervous, excited, impatient, I don't really know."
We were discussing something about work. Because it's something that's confidential, I can't really go into much detail.
"I don't know what to do or what to feel," I said.
He talked me through the whole thing and gave me advice on what to do. You see, dear readers, I am now in a phase where I am ready to step up and do more in the company so I've been trying to work on that. But at the same time, a part of me was scared shitless because my job now has become my comfort zone. I've been doing this gig for 3 years. It's a no-brainer for me now.
"You don't wanna stay here forever. You spend what, 2 hours editing articles, and the rest of the day smoking or on Facebook or those side projects we ask you to do. I don't complain because you do what you are told and you deliver what is expected of you but you don't wanna check the typo errors of our writers forever. You have the potential to do more and the company could benefit from that," he told me.
He echoed what I was feeling for some time now.
"Go to the interview and impress whoever you need to impress. I'm sure you'll do well when you get the job. Go in there, kick ass, show them that you deserve that job and maybe show up for work on time," he added with a chuckle.
My boss and I may not always see eye to eye and there are times when we argue over small things but I am glad that I have a boss who I can run to for advice whenever I need it and he would know exactly what to say to me. How lucky am I, right?
Saturday, April 5, 2014
I was with one of my friends who also happens to be one of my choir mates. Nasa labas kami ng simbahan at tumatambay. We were discussing the choir and how the people are performing within the group.
I've been part of show choirs in the past so for me, a choir should be able to stand without an instrumentalist. But for the choir I am in right now, since it is a church choir, if the instrumentalist isn't available, it's like all hell just broke loose.
They rely too much on the accompaniment which goes to show that they are not confident enough that their own voices would be able to give justice to the song. The funny thing is, we use sheet music and SATB arrangements so singing acapella shouldn't be an issue. But that's rather here nor there at this point.
"Sana magkaroon ng acapella choir dito no? That would be awesome!" he suddenly said.
"Actually, we've been planning to form a quartet for a while now," I answered.
"Acapella?" he asked.
"Of course. I want to have a quartet with really good members so that we wont have to rely on an instrumentalist. Everything will be acapella."
"Sino sino kayo?"
I told him the names of my companions.
"We already have a Soprano, Alto and I'll be the Bass. The problem is finding a good Tenor. One that will pass my standards," I said.
"Why not me? I'm a Tenor," he suggested.
"Please don't take this the wrong way. We're friends and I like you and all but you don't pass my standards," I replied without skipping a beat.
I think I hurt his feelings with what I said. Not sure.
See, that's the problem with me. I am candid. Too candid, if I'm being honest, so sometimes I don't notice if I'm saying things that are offensive because I forget that not everyone is a cold-hearted bitch like me.
Some people have actually feelings or something to that effect.
I think that was a good save. Was it? This is why I try to avoid human contact. I am forced to have a conscience or something that resembles one.
And I wonder why people say I can be very mean.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Pag-dating namin sa bahay, hindi parin makaget over ang lahat sa nangyari. Nakakaloka si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty.
Hiniram ni Sven and Nintendo DS ko at naglaro sa isang sulok, si Diva naman ay inaantok kaya umidlip muna sa sofa. Kami ni Dyosa ay tumambay sa dining table para magyosi. Pinaguusapan parin namin si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty.
"Hindi ba siya nahihiya sa mga ginagawa niya?" sabi ni Dyosa na halatang nakukunsume dahil sa nangyari.
"Eh alam mo naman yun, walang delikadesa sa katawan. Saka anong magagawa natin. Nakatikim at nagustuhan, ayan tuloy gusto na niyang tikman lahat," sagot ko sabay sindi ng yosi.
Hindi maka-get over si Dyosa. Affected si bakla.
"Hindi pwedeng ganyan na pinagsasabay niya. Okay lang kung pa-isa-isa pero yung ganyang pinagsasabay niya lahat, paano kung magkasakit siya?"
"May antibiotics," sagot ko na walang kagatol-gatol.
"Paano kung mabuntis siya?!"
"Malay mo baog or yung lalaki ang baog," sagot ko sabay hit-hit ng yosi.
"Saka kung mabuntis siya, kawawa yung bata. Lukaret ang magiging nanay niya."
Napatawa kaming dalawa ng malakas.
"Alam mo ang problema kasi eh kinukunsinti niyo. Lalo na yang si Diva," sabi ko sabay turo sa kanya.
"Sila," sagot ni Dyosa. "Jusme hindi uubra sa akin yang mga ganyan ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."
"Eh ang masama pa, pag may nangyari sa kanya, sino ang masisisi? Si Diva. Kasi kaibigan niya. Siya yung sisisihin ng magulang ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."
"Hindi nga?!" tanong ni Dyosa.
"Oo," sagot ko. "Nangyari na yun dati. Basta may kagagahan gawin yang si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty, si Diva ang napapagalitan. Siguro titigil lang si Diva sa pangungunsinti kapag umabot sa point na siya na yung mapahamak."
"Ewan. Siguro yung mabuntis si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty tapos sugurin ng magulang niya si Diva dahil hindi binantayan. As if naman may power si Diva na kontrolin ang batcave ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."
Nagpatuloy ang usapan namin ni Diva ngunit gabi na at may pasok pa ako kinabukasan.
Nagpaalam na sila at umuwi sa kani-kanilang mga bahay.
Kinabukasan, habang pauwi ako galing trabaho, nagtext si Dyosa.
"Punta kami nila Diva sa bahay mo."
"Sige", aking reply sa text.
Pagdating ko sa bahay ay nandun sila sa gate at hinihintay ako.
"Nagtext si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty," sabi ni Diva.
"Im depressed, andyan ba kayo kina Anton? Pwede ba akong pumunta dyan?"
"Anong sagot mo?" tanong ko.
"Pumunta ka ng adoration chapel."
Napatawa ako ng malakas.
"Anong sabi pagkatapos?"
"Hindi na nagreply."
Humagalpak kaming lahat sa kakatawa.
"Eh paano nga kung pumunta siya dito sa bahay mo?" tanong ni Dyosa.
"Unang-una, dapat ako ang tanungin niya dahil bahay ko 'to. Pangalawa, hindi pwede. Banned siya sa bahay ko," sagot ko in my best Senyora Santibanez accent.
"Ha?! Baket?!" tanong nilang lahat.
Monday, March 17, 2014
A few days ago, I was with one of my friends, let's call him Billy, and we were discussing something about his best friend, who we shall name Justin. You see, Billy found out by accident that his best friend is gay. Justin has no idea that Billy found out. Billy is upset that Justin hasn't come out to him and is frustrated about the whole thing because they have been friends for many years and he feels that he deserves to find out directly from Justin. Billy has been hounding me about the whole thing. I think he is under the impression that I am an expert of the subject of homosexuality.
"Kung ikaw, Anton, paano mo itatago na may alam ka?", Billy asked.
"If I were in your situation, I would keep in mind that my friendship with the person goes beyond his sexuality so our friendship will always come first."
"Eh paano nga? Ang hirap na nakikita ko siya at hindi ko siya makausap."
"Ganito lang yan. Respect. Since he hasn't come out to you, you will have to respect his decision. Wala kang magagawa kundi mag hintay na maging ready siya. you said na hindi issue sa iyo ang pagiging bakla niya, then why are you bothered now?"
He kept arguing with me because I was not giving him the answer he wanted to hear. I gave the answer he was supposed to hear but he was having none of it.
Amidst of all of this, his question lingered and the words "paano mo itatago na may alam ka?" resonated inside my head. I then remembered that I am in a similar situation.
Another friend of mine, let's call him Danny, came out to me a few years ago and ever since then, I have been keeping his secret. How did I manage to keep things a secret this long? I know his friends, I know his family and yet I have managed to help him keep this secret from them.
It all boiled down to respect. Him coming out to me wasn't his choice. His exact words before were, "the cat's out of the bag. Why would I still deny it?" But he asked me to keep his secret for only I knew the truth. I respected that.
He introduced me to his circle and I am still friends with them up to this day. When they chat and reminisce about time gone by, I can't help but feel an ounce of guilt and jealousy because the things I know about him are the things I am not allowed to talk about. If only they knew that side that I've seen, they would love and embrace him too regardless of his sexuality.
For a baffling moment, I questioned how I've managed to keep my mouth shut and pretend as if I knew nothing. But in the moment it took me to question myself, I also found the clarity, the answer that I needed. I respected his request not because he came out to me. I respected his request because he was my friend and that was the only reason I needed.
Going back to Billy, he was relentless in hounding me about the whole thing but at some point I steered the conversation to another direction because I was not giving him the answer he wanted to hear so he wasn't accepting the explanation I was trying to give.
Maybe I'll document the whole Billy-Justin saga. I just hope they don't find my blog :D